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THE NEWSLETTER OF THE SQUIRMISH EMAIL CLUB | VOLUME 1 NUMBER 7
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Howdy, Pal!
KRAKABOOM!
WHOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOO!
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Midnight! The witching hour!
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And here you are, alone in these dark and spooky woods!
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KRAKABOOM!
See! There's that thunder!
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The rain is pouring down!
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PLIP PLIP PLIP PLIP PLOP PLIP PLIP PLIP
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Your galoshes stick in the mud as you trudge through the darkness!
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SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHUP SCHLUP
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Oh, why oh why did you leave your stilts at home on this dark and fearsome night?
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You're so scared, you suck your thumb like a little baby!
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THLURP THLURP THLURP THLURP
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Your knees start knocking together to the Bo Diddley Beat!
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BUM BUM BUM BUM-BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM-BUM
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KRAKABOOM!
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Hold on! Did you see that spooky silhouette illuminated from behind by the lightning?
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
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Why lookie there! It's just a brand new free Squirmish Halloween promo card featuring that lovable evil collector of feets, The Hoofless Horseman! And you were so scared! Why there was nothing to be frightened of at all! In fact, you feel silly. You feel so silly, you could just kick yourself. In fact, you think you will kick yourself!
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But... but... where are your feets?
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
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Well, at least you won't need to buy any more socks.
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Be the first kid on your block to DE-FEET your enemies with your very own Hoofless Horseman card! The card is now available for free in both the Squirmish videogame and the tabletop card game!
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If you have the videogame... the new card will just show up when you play!
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If you want the card for the tabletop game, just reply to this message and say "HEY, uh, hi. How ya doin'? It's me, and I want that there card you was talkin' about."
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Then, I will leave it in a hollow tree for you. Just knock twice, and the owl will present it to you in its beak.
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Please do not feed the owl.
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Oh, wait, better yet, just send me your address, and I will mail it to you (while supplies last).
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Then we don't have to worry about the owl and his nut allergy.
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Free cards sometimes! That's just one of the perks of being a member in good standing of the elite Squirmish Email Club! Tell your pals, so they can be filled with envy at your remarkable fortune.
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Perhaps it is not the best trade-off for the loss of your feets, but we do what we can for our members.
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THE BISCUIT SISTERS VS.
THE GRAVY BROTHERS BOOSTER SET
AVAILABLE ON STEAM NOW!
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The Biscuit Sisters and Gravy Brothers are two powerhouse new groups... they really mop the floor with each other when they get activated. Besides 3 members of each of those new groups, there are 18 other miscreants included in the set, loaded with novel new attacks and abilities.
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In addition, the digital booster set includes a wacky new section for solo sparring called Food Fights! It features some delicious new battling bots that really know how to show you the ropes with the new cards. As with the other bots in the videogame, if you beat them enough times in a row, you can use them as your avatar when battling your buddies in multiplayer!
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The Biscuit Sisters and the Gravy Brothers are a feudin' and a fightin’, and you'd be wise not to get in the way of their sibling scuffles! They are the two new groups introduced in this booster set for Squirmish: The Card Game of Brawling Beasties (3.0 edition)!
They didn’t come alone, either... a bunch of other rascals and ruffians are here too, including Cheekpockets, Opossrat and the nefarious Giggler... for a total of 24 new cards!
Besides the new cards, you'll also unlock the Food Fights! section, which will introduce you to some weird but delicious new opponents!
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The Squirmish videogame is on Steam for solo or 2-player multiplayer play.
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THERE HAS BEEN AN ERROR
ERRATA
The PONK card (B18) included in some copies of Set B: The Biscuit Sisters Vs. The Gravy Brothers Set (and all of the one hundred copies of the The Squirmish Limited 2024 Artist Edition Battle Tin) includes an error, claiming PONK can achieve his special attack PONK BONK on a roll of 5 or 6. We apologize for the error. To make amends, if you purchased one of these erroneous cards, reply to this email with your address if you want me to mail you a corrected version where PONK BONK only occurs on a roll of 6. Please destroy the erroneous card before it becomes a rare, valuable collectable.
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If you look closely... that is not the only difference between those two Ponk cards!
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NEW SQUIRMISH FONTS!
All 3.0 cards have now been updated with brand new Squirmish-specific fonts made by my good pal David Steinlicht. David was inspired by the old font we've been using, Lumberjack Regular, to make the brand new LUMBERSQUIRM font family.
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As you can see from the image above, David did a heck of a job. It is delight to have the different font weights to play with, and David has these fonts kerned better than a cob of corn. In addition to having special ligatures for some double-letters to snuggle up with, David figured out how to make the letter "I" automatically have serifs when isolated, but drop them when in the middle of a word. No one knows where they go!
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Above: Chompster shows off our fine new fonts looking like a million bucks... maybe even a million bucks and a penny!
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UPCOMING APPEARANCES
In the event you would like to meet me in the flesh, meat and bone, and you are in or near the Twin Cities, I'll be at these upcoming events hawking various delectable bits of Squirmish:
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Friday, November 7th to Sunday November 9th
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Minneapolis Convention Center
1301 2nd Ave. S
Minneapolis, MN
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Apologies in the event you couldn't find me at Fallcon earlier this month. A family emergency unfortunately prevented my attendance at my favorite convention of the year. I look forward to the next one (and to Springcon). Knowing how great those conventions are, I'm sure you had a great time without me, in any case. Right? Stop crying, already. It's ok.
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Can't make it to any of these events? Well, I hope to see you on the Squirmish Discord sometime!
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DO YOU MAKE WORDS WITH YOUR MOUTH?
Well, my friend, it just so happens that word of mouth is the main way people hear about the strange game of Squirmish. Surprisingly, studies have shown that words from other orifices don't even compete! If you love playing Squirmish, we'd sure love it if you would consider using that mouth of yours to spread the word about it... even if that word is "toot!" So, please tell your pals, or holler some battle cries at them... and please consider rating and reviewing Squirmish whenever you get a chance. Here are some chances for you right now!
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Thanks for playing Squirmish!
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